Childfree Dating

Childfree adults are a minority, and this leads to unique dating issues. One woman I interviewed for my book complained that she had difficulty meeting men who were also childfree and wanted to remain that way. Most men she was meeting (in her mid 30’s) had children from prior marriages and these kids were top priority in every way. She told me about holidays spent alone and lack of money for fun times together.  The men also treated her as less able to make a commitment because she was not a mother and didn’t wish to become one. She also talked about meeting men who at first said they didn’t want kids, but as the relationship progressed began to speak of their desire to be a father. She felt like she’d been duped. I encouraged her to hang in there, and even to consider relocating to a more urban area where there would be more childfree men in the dating pool. This was well before the stats came out listing the top childfree cities: San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington DC have the fewest number of homes with children in the US. I think if I was still single, I’d strongly consider moving to a more childfree-friendly place.  How have celebrities such as Jennifer Anniston, Oprah Winfrey, and Rachel Ray handled the dating scene in times when they’ve been single?

3 Comments

  1. Posted January 24, 2011 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    I live in conservative West Michigan, and didn’t have a problem finding men who didn’t want kids. I was divorced at 27, and was dating mostly men in their early 30s. There was the occasional man with children, and I realized I just couldn’t do it. So many men were also pleasantly surprised to find a woman without kids. I was dating online, though, and had “not sure” in the do you want kids section. That probably wed out a few of them. Oh well, I found my husband and we’re perfect for each other (and enjoying our DINK lifestyle).

  2. F
    Posted July 26, 2011 at 7:09 pm | Permalink

    I live in one of those top childfree cities, and I’ve encountered exactly the same issues! It’s frustrating as hell.

    The age thing also comes into play. When I meet men my age (early 40s), they either assume I’m frantically seeking a sperm donor or are themselves so eager to have kids that they refuse to date me because I’m too old. The men who are really attracted to me are the ones 20 years older who already have grown kids — but I’m not comfortable dating someone old enough to be my father!

  3. Ellen
    Posted July 31, 2011 at 11:51 am | Permalink

    At the current time, about 20% of women at the end of childbearing years is not a mom, and I see this as increasing with each new generation. More and more young women are telling me that they don’t want to be moms, and I’m hearing the same from young men. This will mean that folks younger than us will have more dating opportunities with their own peer group. We can at least be happy for them.

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